Monday, September 15, 2014

The Spiritual Battle

This week was very very very difficult for me spiritually. I was just stuck. On Monday, a YSA came up to us and bluntly said, "You'll never make it here building a YSA branch! You want to know why? Because I'm taking them all to the Nashville YSA. I will destroy you!" He sounded like Satan.... It was so rough. He really is taking a lot to the Nashville YSA though.

Tuesday was just a rough day. Not in a good mood, tough with lessons and tracting and all sorts of things. I just felt empty. Our area has begun to dwindle in success. We just don't have a lot of people to teach anymore. We tract and tract and tract and yield minimal results and they are mostly non-YSA who are interested so we have to pass them off to other missionaries anyways.

Wednesday was still the same. I gave a training in district meeting but it just didn't pump me up at all. We accounted to our district.... and we didn't have a specific person to talk about or ask for help on. So we told them about our situation and they gave suggestions. It's taken a lot of faith on our part and total trust in the Lord.

Thursday still wasn't much better. Still down and gloomy.

Friday... stunk. We went on an exchange, which I loved the sister I was with and I had a blast with her! I just felt like I was doing everything wrong! Our appointments fell through and we got yelled at that night by a Less-Active. Then the next morning I forgot the phone downstairs which had our alarm on it... so we slept in till 7:00 am. Now you can imagine how crumby I felt. I went into the bathroom and just prayed and cried. As I finished.... I got up and jammed the corner of a cupboard into my brain. I did not even attempt to hold back those tears anymore! I just bawled and bawled! We had to clean the church that morning and the building coordinator (who I have nicknamed Mr. Natzi) was just walking around the whole time watching us clean. And he made us do the most nit-picky jobs. He thinks the missionaries are destroying the building. (He got in trouble for making us clean. He wanted to make us do it once a month but they told him no because we need to be out teaching the gospel.)

Later we had more appointments fall through, I ran a red light, and my world just kind of came crashing down. At this point... all my prayers just became pleads of help! I felt like no one was listening because maybe I wasn't praying for the right things. It was too rough.

Sunday came. I took the sacrament and repented of all I had done the past week. I tried to really focus on the Savior. We had more people in church, but we were told by a member that he heard the bishop talking about abandoning the YSA. (I've also been praying for a ton of charity for these members who keep making these comments.... it's tough!!!)

I wrote down an experience I had this week. I was studying on Sunday and I was reading a talk by President Boyd K. Packer called "The Witness." Oh My. I bawled the whole time! It was truly incredible to read about! My heart was pounding and I just knew it was true. It was just another manifestation to me that Christ lives, and He is so real! He KNOWS me and loves me more than I will ever be able to comprehend.

Later on in my studies, in Luke, I kept reading about praying for your enemies and those that curse you and despitefully use you. Somehow the Lord paces my reading just right so I read the right things at the right time. Don't really get how He does that.... I also studied about having faith in Christ. I learned that the formula for getting back on my feet is:
- Repent
- Obey
- Serve diligently
This can apply to any time in life when we need to get back up on our feet. So I've been doing that. I've been repenting in every prayer and trying to obey and just work hard. I'm trying not to dwell on my mistakes (like being 1 minute late to studies this morning.) Sister Stucki is SO obedient! She is just the most amazing missionary ever and I feel like I'm in training again! She just is obedient to a "T" and she does it so gracefully. I'm going to learn as much as I can before she goes home!

Last night there was a CES fireside that we attended and it was all about denying yourself and taking up your cross and following Him. SO GOOD!!! Listen to that talk if you get a chance! It's not long. He said Success = living in harmony with His will. I'm trying so hard to do that. Oh it's so rough!
This morning I also read a talk from the October 2013 conference titled "Wilt thou be made whole?" that was definitely meant for me. This talk is all about repentance and becoming converted to the Lord.

So to sum this all up.... my week was pretty crappy. I honestly could not wait for it to be over! It was the biggest challenge of my life to continue to pray for guidance and to teach and find. I knew He was there, I just didn't feel it. It was so hard to cling to the threads of the gospel. I did though, because I knew that was the only way to get out. It's still rough.... but we both know that by small and simple means are great things brought to pass. We may not find investigators through tracting, but because we are being obedient and tracting, we will be blessed.

Richard is not progressing and so he knows we won't meet with him until he progresses and keeps commitments. He was supposed to read 1 Nephi 1 and take notes. I asked him in church where his notes were, and he said he didn't read. So I said "Ok, well you let us know when you read and we'll consider meeting with you."

With Calvin, we actually had a lesson with him on Saturday, with a member there, (Which never happens! ) and I suggested to him to set a baptism date and to go with it unless Heavenly Father tells him otherwise. He didn't set a date, but he's so close to being able to do that. The spirit was so strong in that lesson and he was just beaming every time we talked about faith and the Book of Mormon. I love Calvin.

I have learned this week that no matter how hard it gets, God is still there. I can "be assured that the Savior still seeks to mend [my] soul and heal [my] heart." What He asks of me is to repent, pray, forgive and forget. I know this gospel is the ONLY way to get through life and to live with our Father in Heaven again. It's all worth it.

Well... that's all about this week. It was rough and tough... but I was stretched and I think I can handle more now.

I love you and just want you to know that I do have a testimony of my Savior Jesus Christ. His Atonement is real and if you don't know what that means for you, find out. It means the world to me. I know I can access the Atonement at all times. It's so comforting. I love you and hope you have a great week!

~Sister Rokovitz~

Jesus loves you!

I hit my year mark. Thanks for the cookies Mom and Dad.

"Hay" Olaf. He's made completely of hay.

This is how "moving" is done in Tennessee.