Rokin' Tennessee: Trust in the Lord

It's unreal to me that I actually talked to you just 6 days ago... it's just not real.

Christmas was good! Kardo came to the dinner and it was so yummy! We had fun laughing with our Young Single Adults and the Elders and just living up Christmas! President Andersen had a real fire going inside and it was decorated all cute. Christmas was fast and... fast. Like a blink of an eye. I didn't like that part. It's still weird to me that it happened. I miss all of you so much.

Half of the table at the Andersen's for Christmas dinner

Cha is still on for the 4th! Some number texted her and gave her scriptures about the Lamanites mark of dark skin. The text said "seriously, you should know" and we don't know who it is!! And we looked in our 583 contacts in our phone and we don't have the number. WHO IS IT? But the good thing is that Cha's testimony isn't shaken by that. She knows we're not racist and she loves coming to church. THANK GOODNESS! I honestly think Satan got a cell phone though.... Blasted Satan.

This week has been hard, I'm not going to lie. Adjusting to the new companionship has been hard and also finding out who I really am and what I am doing out here. It's been a long process and I'm still not done. I've done a lot of deep study and praying and pondering this week. My theme seems to be "trust in the Lord". That keeps coming up and so that's what I'm focusing on.

We've had to walk a lot this week because of miles and walking is not my favorite thing. My legs hurt, my knees, my back, it was cold, my nose was running, my fingers were numb, no blood in my toes.... You get the point. One night I had such a sour attitude. It really bothered me, yet I had little desire and motivation to change it. That also bothered me. I wanted to be happy and be ok with doing hard work... because so far I've been spoiled on my mission, but I also wanted to be sad and sulk and just kinda be miserable. The following night, we were out walking a ton in the rain again, but I promised myself to only have a good attitude. Hardest thing ever.. especially for me. All of a sudden my backpack wasn't heavy anymore, my legs and feet didn't hurt, it wasn't cold, and I was happy. It was such a wake up call to me. Well, it was more like a slap in the face. Attitude plays a huge part in everything! Trusting that the Lord will help too makes a big difference. As a result we met 2 wonderful neighbors and talked to each of them for 45 minutes! Mind blowing! I know that the Lord was just waiting to bless us as a companionship, but it couldn't happen until I put all my effort in.

Yesterday we were with a member on our way to visit another member, and Sister Jarvis mentioned how she's noticed that every single missionary in this mission has fought to be here and has done everything in their power to work hard. I felt like that did not describe me at all. If you remember, I fought the answer to go on a mission, I did not want to leave, I did not want to work hard. I still have a hard time telling myself that I want to only work hard. So I'm going to incorporate that into my New Years goals somehow. I kinda determined last night to be a hard working missionary: to be up on time, study hard, be happy and excited to work no matter what the plans are.

We talked to K. a bit last night over text and it just got me down again. I was on the verge of tears all morning. I read a good talk though.. It was the one from conference by Edward Dube. I need to look ahead and believe. Tomorrow night we have to be in early, and we're are supposed to pray about goals and I plan to stick to my goals all year. I'm not giving up a month or two in. This is the time to perfect myself with the Lord! I'm going to be the best team mate with the Lord. THIS IS IT!!

When you're in a "high" moment, you think "I'm never coming down! I'll never have a bad moment again!" Well... that's not true. And then when you're down you think "I'm not good enough. I will never be happy again" and you forget what the wonderful moments feel like. It's hard to push through them and trust in the Lord and that everything will work out. Patience is the hardest test I have had to learn out here. But I know that I am becoming better and stronger. Alma went through the same things I'm going through. I read about that today in Alma 29. Verses 1, 3-4, 6-7, 9,10, and 13-14 were the ones that stuck out to me and applied to me. I'm just in the stage of pressing forward right now. And that's that. I'm in a trial of my faith and I can't give up.

I love you so much and I couldn't do this without you. I miss you more than you can imagine! Talk to you next week. I LOVE YOU!

~Sister Rokovitz~